I was 18, just shy of a month away from graduating high school. I had been out as trans for about 2 years at this point. I was feeling a lot of things…hopeful, hopeless, worried, brave, careless. I struggled to accept my identity and cope with discrimination. I was a scared kid – 18, but still a kid. My therapist was helping me juggle all the conflicting emotions and to make sense of it all. I knew that I wanted to start T. We located an LGBTQ+ clinic about 2 hours away where I could be evaluated for HRT; something I wanted so badly.
A few weeks later, I was on a train heading into the city for my first appointment, and to my first HRT prescription. I remembered feeling anxious, then overwhelmed with hope and excitement for the first time in a very long, long time. I pictured my future self; what would he look like? Would he have a beard? A gruff voice? Would a change of name come next, or perhaps a look into top surgery? The possibilities finally felt endless. I could see the future; my future as a happy, resilient, transgender man, and I wasn’t scared anymore.