Trans Masc + BIPOC + Proud

I first saw my future as a trans man when watching videos of a Greek composer named "Yianni" in the 1990s. I liked the way Yianni dressed and I wanted to be like him when I grew up. As the years went by, I also looked to the trans men I saw featured in OP Magazine as role models for my transition.

As a child, I never questioned the way others presented themselves freely, but I would always questioned the way I presented myself and how I didn’t feel connected femininity until I became in touch with my masculinity.

My local community has supported me through both social and medical transition since I came out at 14. Not long after starting HRT, my endocrinologist informed me that she was being transferred out of state. Turns out she was going to the same city where I was moving for college! I was grateful to continue care with her. Now that I have moved back to my home state, she has helped me find doctors around me to ensure I continue to get the care I need as an adult trans person.

When I first left my home country where it's a criminal offense to be queer/trans with more emerging bills limiting our existence & presentation.

The first few years I was in community with other trans folks and working out my own gender identity most of the transmasc narratives I encountered came out of Black or white contexts. While I felt inspired and had many resonances with these stories 'being a man' was presented in a fairly binary way that wasn't consistent with my experience and couldn't quite be mapped neatly onto my ethnicities. It wasn't until I saw a documentary film called Kumu Hina in 2014 that tells the story of Hina Wong-Kalu a native Hawaiian teacher and cultural practitioner who is māhū a word that translates to "middle" that I began to believe that there was a culturally specific and possible path for me to realize and embrace manhood. It would take a few more years to identify the ways I wanted to embody that but learning about Hina's story and her work was certainly a watershed moment in 'becoming' for me.

I had a session with my healer who had me go DEEP. She shared with me that as young as the third trimester in the womb of my mother I made the choice to be born female at birth to become a trans non-binary man. That's when I knew the truth. Before that I was going back and forth and denying or doubting. From that moment onwards when I connected to the fetus version of myself I knew for sure I am a non-binary trans man.

I was closeted still and attending college. I had a biology-related course where my professor was transgender. My professor was the first openly transgender person I had met in my life. They had transitioned a little later in life but had continued onwards holding a wonderful career and genuinely just being an excellent mentor and teacher. It was a slow realization over the course of the two semesters I attended their class but I began truly making plans for my future instead of assuming I would succumb to my fairly serious depression and other mental health issues. It all finally became clear to me when I had transferred to a university and I decided to cut my hair and wear a binder for the first time. I put on my favorite shirt and cried when I finally saw myself and that I was going to make it.

For me it wasn't a grand event. I believe I was in the 6th grade at the time so I was no older than 13. All I remember is talking with an online friend over Skype who explained that they were transgender and told me about what that was like. As I was listening to them I realized that I was too and accepted it instantly. I've been identifying as male ever since and was always excited at the prospect of becoming a transman. I still haven't begun transitioning but I look forward to it every day.